My heart is taken both as a refugee, and runs into as a shelter, to this current of life that draws it closer, whenvever it crosses my thoughts.
So hallucinating and maddening it may be, if it so is, that I many times renounced and denied that strong, magnetic passion, over and over and over again.
Back then it had nothing "secret" to it. For it was clear and lustful, blissful, loving, a paradise promised, by the very unquiet, troubled, swollen and taken completely, unrest of my pulse, irrigating its desire into my body at every beat of my life-granting heart, organ and inner world.
The pain was much enough that it made me blind to the echoing calls within the realms by me visitable.
And to deny the very reason of one to be, encloses a life of one to be lived, to the very cursed, safe-pointed and blinded horizon chosen in the time of panic and desperation. So, the very same magnetism that drew me to the desire it clearly shone, then drew me in an unseen corroding ice, which burned me quietly, raising the strenght-sipping and slithering agony, to the day it would take over the then broken and buildt-on-denial world inside myself.
Over many quarrels I tumbled and fell, rising only to walk in pain wihout the love I had once to guide, to nurture me. To make feel like this life was worth, in each and every moment of it. As if I was to be left forever, to this dry wasteland, filled with hate and an abomination, growing by the denial that had thrown my world into the hopelessly filled, fueled with all of my suffering, dismay that devoured my thoughts, actions, my neverending tears that acidly caressed my sickened mind.
That is, the world that shone with no way of reaching my desired heaven, was murdered, dead cold, by the dimension in which it should just continue to call me, whatever thread was woven, independent to the will of my world.
My present now is gifted with a kind and eternal Fire, and with the consciousness of the endless in Time. Among many other gifts, such as the visit from the Fiery Serpent, or the various touches I gave many stars in heavenly skies.
Now my sight can be brought about with my awareness and attention, with my honesty, and sincerety. With the misterious love that winds the gears of my body, and that keeps in me a life that can be, by me, lived with a freedom that was at first uncertainly and strongly, recklessly, and then respectfully, and beautifully, sought for, now I can at last, open my eyes to me, and to the paradise which is this world in which dreams can be made real.
Along with me must lie the hope to cross this path, to this paradise lost, or simply "sought for".
So then I can take my steps along any road, and I will be delighted with the touch and presence, sight, sound, and smell and many others, of the love I have searched so much in all of my life.
I just hope I can do it, so I guess it should be alright, isn't it?
With sincerety and truthfulness, as a seeker and traveler of many worlds in me, not to mention out of me, I lay these words. That they give inspiration to all who search for love, for truth, for themselves, or for perfection, paradise, hell, or heaven.
That the clues lead you all to where you deserve to reach, to where your most precious dreams point to.
Good night to all in this world, and to all others. Good night to this world, and all the worlds that are, and aren't.
Good night to you who reads this blog post, and to you who doesn't.
Good night to myself, and fare thee well, my 61st post.
Lucas Vencovsky Nogueira
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